FF XVIII, 40

Merry Christmas

And a Happy New Year

From the editor of

Frank’s Fax Facts And Reviews

Vol. III, No. 40

 Sunday, December 23,  2012,

            Who wishes for each of you, the very finest Noel you have ever experienced; and to say, Thanks for all of the beautiful cards and messages you sent to me. God bless you!   FI

 

The week started off with a “Plumbing Problem”. Having used the john off the hallway, I wasn’t concerned when I found the water still running a few hours later.  But no amount of the usual re-arranging of the visible mechanism would stop the flow (and racket) so I began a series of desperate phone calls. After advice from Father Gorman, Andy Meola, and Bubby McClintock (I tried each plumber they had recommended, and nobody could come out that day to solve my problem. Bubbie was nice enough to drive out and turn the water off in that commode. I was satisfied. Professional Plumbers had assured me they would take care of it Tuesday. So, as I had done after each new prospect had been called, I returned to my bed to try to get a much needed nap.

              Then, before four that afternoon, two men from the Professional Drainage place showed up on my doorstep. They looked the problem over; then said they had to go to a hardware store to get the parts that needed to be removed. They returned, took about ten minutes to put it all back in running condition, then the cost they told me I owed was not more than I had expected to pay, so when they gave me a ten dollar senior citizen’s discount (after asking me if I am a senior citizen: I almost choked over that question!) I felt that all in all, I had come out ahead for once!

              Alas, I was overly optimistic, and had to call them back two days later, after that obstinate commode again wasted gallons of water for nothing. This time, just one man came out, and he was not one of the previous duo (but he said he had worked here before,) He installed yet another new set of “Toys”, but said they were having a lot of trouble with that old sort of innards. I said I bet they see a lot of that old model, and he said they hardly ever see any that old anymore. It was the original flushing system that was installed WAY back in 1969, when my house was built!

             

 

 

 

He said I would likely have to put in a new system sooner or later. I had replaced both the commode and lavatory in the bathroom in my bedroom, and just recently had a walk-in shower installed: so I do not need another expense right now! So, I’m praying this outdated article will last a few more months, at least!

 

One morning, this week (December, with its FIVE of almost every day, has had me confused ever since arriving). I look at the calendar, and have trouble every time, deciding which Thursday (or Tuesday, etc.) I am entering. My appointments have literally driven me batty, I am so “out of it!” Anyway, I awoke to the sound of a loud speaker blasting my eardrums, with the announcement that we were under a Tornado Warning, until 7 PM. I glanced at the clock by my pillow: it was not even 4:00! I broke out in a cold sweat. This had to be really serious! I had heard a lot of wind and rain throughout the entire night (just as they had predicted) but a tornado sounds so much worse than almost anything else! And I was to worry about this particular one all day long!

Well, of course, the Town Crier had his P’s and Q’s  confused. What he should have said was 7AM, but actually the mess was all over by 10AM, not 7. I was too relieved to quibble, however!

Thank you, Jesus!

 

Warlock

        There are two medium-sized matching salad bowls on my case of cook books, informal wine glasses, and various other favorite items involving food and drink, which have been given to my by my very special friends over the decades of my adult life. These bowls are just the right size when I want to carry something to our Tuesday Bridge Game (for one example) for two of us. I love the unique size and color (all I know for certain, is that it is light and right) and the smooth material of which it is made is smooth with a ring of a darker hue all around the open place where the food goes. But the real charm (for me) and that which makes it so very special after the years I have had it, is that there is a beautiful sprig of Sweet Basel delicately painted at the very center of the bowl. Had I seen it by myself, I probably would not have even noticed what the plant was (color blindness alone would have made recognition of this almost impossible for me) As it happened, it was the first thing Ed said to me, as he handed me the gift in s paper bag. “When I saw these bowls, with “Bazille” (which is the way we always called it) on them---I just knew you would have a fit when you saw it!”

        Just the remembrance of the day, and the gift which I loved from the first, fill my heart with a mixture of that day’s joy at receiving it, and sadness at the realization of the friend I have lost. He was never “Rich”, and was almost as “thrifty” as I am. We both had to be. Yet, he seemed always to be sharing some wonderful “Item” with me. Maybe he had just “Borrowed” one of my compositions; then, on his return visit, would present me with a magnificently made copy of the work. At this time, I had no idea that he had done this professionally quite a bit in New York.

        I introduced Ed to Sweet Basil before he was in the Navy, and I was always so glad that I had. He loved it, that first time I handed him some that I had bought in a grocery store that sold pots with Basil and other herbs here. I had cooked a pot of my usual pasta with tomato sauce, and suggested that he might like it better with a little of the new flavor added. He absolutely went bonkers over it.

I have never been good at planting any sort of seeds, but when I moved into this house, I was determined to plant some basil. Like Ed, after me, my introduction to this simple pleasure came about quite by accident. Daddy had spotted a plant that I would have never noticed, in a public square the first time I was ever in Mobile. This was in 1938, when he and Josephine drove down to get their visas for the trip to Sicily to bring Grandma back to our house, This was shortly before World War II began. He turned to Mama, and said, “Look at that, Row!” Her name, Rose, always came out sounding like that from Daddy. “Is that basilico?” He used the Italian word, which actually sounded as if it were spelled, Boz-e-lee-go! Accent on “boz”. I had never heard the word before, much less having seen or tasted the herb. He stooped down and broke a bright green leaf off, then raised it to his nose. He sighed loudly, and the smile that lit up his face left no doubt whatsoever in my mind that this was, indeed, basilica----: whatever that might be!

        Apparently, as a child, his mother had used it in her pasta dishes, and in the intervening years since he had lived in Cefalu, he had totally forgotten about it.

        He must have ordered the seeds when our Drummer (salesman) from Ferry’s Seed Company made his next visit to our store, because the next time I heard this strange word was when he came running into the kitchen, where Mama was taking freshly baked biscuits out of the oven for our breakfast. He was waving something green under her nose. She looked irritated at first, because he had taken her by surprise, but then the look of disdain quickly changed to a soft warm smile, as her senses told her that he had succeeded in growing a bumper crop of Sweet Basil.

        That very Sunday, when we had our usual pasta for the noon meal (dinner) there was a small plate of basil leaves alongside the cheese grater on the table. I cannot begin to recall what meat formed the sauce for the pasta, but I shall never forger that first, almost intoxicating taste of sweet basil, cut (for me by Daddy that first time) which brought the entire meal alive with mouth watering goodness! From that day forward we never spent another spring and summer without our basilico!

        After Daddy’s death, there was nobody to plant things in the garden on the far side of our house, and it was at least four years or more before I saw Basil seeds in a nursery on Old Shell Road. When I saw a large variety of these seeds, I had no idea there would be more than one variety from which to choose. Finally, I settled on  three different packages (trying to decide which pictures looked the most like Daddy’s. I planted all three packages in the yard. My dirt was never any good for growing anything but weeds and Blackberry bushes (with millions of thorns. And yet a few tubercular-looking plants managed to come up and last long enough for me to taste them. Needless to say, there was a certain familiar smell and taste to all three.

        Ed had looked at my “Herb Bed” as soon as I planted it, and his first reaction was to cluck with his tongue.

        “Is it that bad?” I knew I had zero amount of growing-anything talent.

        “No comment.” He really knew how to hurt a fellow!

        “Well. I’ll just let you plant the seed next time!”

        I had planted the empty seed packages at the part of the bed that each variety was in, and he seemed to be trying to memorize each of them.

        “What’s it for?”

I  knew only the one thing we had ever done with it, so I said, “You have never tasted anything as wonderful as Italian Pasta dishes with this stuff chopped up and mixed with grated cheese!”

“That good?” He might just as well have said, “I do not really believe that you are not grossly exaggerating!”

Ed was taking care of his father, at this time, and once a month (as I have written already) he would drive here, dye my hair, after cutting it, and I would always try to have something that I knew he would enjoy eating for the meal. I suggested that he go to Hattiesburg first; take care of Dale and Franko’s hair, and then come by here. That way, I would have several things for him to eat when he got back to Pensacola.

The very next time he came back from Hattiesburg and stopped here. I had the spaghetti sauce cooked and waiting for him. I remember I had used only ground beef, in my usual Family Secret Sauce recipe. I was more than a little bit embarrassed when I put the scrawny Bazille (Pronounced just like Brazil without the R (we both added it to our personal language which others found only annoying, but which we never tired of)

From that day onward (until he moved to Jacksonville) I never had to plant a single seed. I’d buy my usual large number of packages of Sweet Basil seeds, and he’s bring back a car loaded down with tiny plants, in those little cups you place them in, and I would have more than enough for the rest of that year. I was even able to bring in clay pots full of grown plants, and eat them right up through Christmas!

 

Draft Dodgers Anonymous

       Lt. Rellis called me aside one afternoon to talk to me about a Talent Contest our Service Company and the next door neighbors (whose name I have forgotten) were planning. He said he had heard that I was a pianist, and that MacTeer was a tap-dancer, and he wondered if I knew anyone else in my barracks that had any sort of talent.  I told him about Marcus having changed his Music Major for a degree in English, “But, he still might wish to take part in such a competition.

        “We can’t give the winners very much, but we did get a $20 first prize, and ten for second place,” he said hurriedly.

        “Well, that sounds pretty good to me. Seems I am always having to write home for money,” and I laughed (mainly because I was embarrassed).

        I need not have been. Marcus turned the offer down, saying he had not touched a piano in two years, but Lynwood was definitely interested. I believe we ended up with about twenty “Talents”, from my Revolutionary Etude of Chopin, through Lynwood’s dance using a recording of the only thing he had with him, to a black man with a fantastic voice from the neighboring unit.

        The rehearsals began the following Monday (place to be confirmed then). All contestants were excused from after lunch training, until the following week.

        It was a toss-up as to whether I was more relieved; or my friend, Lynwood.
2.

       I sprawled out my legs, and lay back in my seat in the comfortably cool Post Theater, where we were lucky enough to be rehearsing. . Lynwood was doing his tap-dance routine on the stage, to the accompaniment of a phonograph record. He wasn’t half bad; but he wasn’t very good either. Still, we were happy to be away from our Basic Training for a few afternoons, to say the very least.

 

. I had run through the Chopin Etude earlier, and realized that I needed desperately to work out a few of the extremely difficult left-hand passages. Of course, I could always slow down, but it simply loses much of its “Revolutionary” appeal if it isn’t speedy. Right now, I knew that if I closed me eyes, I would be gone. We all stayed sleepy—all the time.

        “Wake up, soldier!” A voice rasped, close to my ear! My worst nightmare had happened, I was convinced.

        “I’m not asleep, I was just---“

        “Resting your eyes?” Lynwood concluded the little automatic answer all inductees have used in this particular situation.

        I laughed, with great relief.

        His husky laughter was jubilant. “How did it look?” he asked, serious all of a sudden.

        “Just great!” I lied.  After all, he was my best friend! And I had not exactly caused Vladimir Horowitz to shake in his Cossack boots because I was about to replace him!

        And then, there it was: that magnificent baritone voice, sounding more professional than any other of us contestants!

        He would, obviously, take the grand $20 price. I would be lucky to get the ten bucks.

        And that was exactly what I did.

(More next week)

 

Movie Trivia Quiz #64

1. In Love Crazy, William Powell poses as an insane man, to try to save his marriage to what familiar co-star? He poses as his mother in a scene that is hysterically funny! He even shaved his mustache!

2. Goldie Hawn’s movie about a Jewish Princess, enlisting in the US Army, was given what title?

3. The all star cast of There’s No Business Like Show Business included which controversial singer who was Ethel Merman’s son. who leaves the stage to become a priest?

4. Which super star sang, We’re Having a Heat Wave, in the above film?

5. Who wrote all of the music for this Fox musical?

6. Undercurrent was an MGM disappointment, starring Katherine Hepburn and Robert Taylor. It had what “new to the screen” star as Taylor’s brother. The musical score used Braham’s Third Symphony. This almost made the film worthwhile: but not quite.

7. Carmen Miranda’s screen debut was in one of Fox’s best musicals, Down_____Way. Fill in the blank.

8. Who were the big stars of this musical?

9. Edward Scissorhands was played by whom?

10. The gorgeous female was played by a brunette, who was blond in this unusual (to say the least) screenplay. She literally “Stole” my heart! (The verb in the last part is a big clue!)

 

Answers to Quiz No. 63

 

1.     A Walk in the Spring Rain had which Academy Award winner Ingrid Bergman as his co-star,

2.     Butterflies are Free starred Goldie Hawn and Edward Albert as its stars.

3.     Samson and Delilah had Hedy Lamar and Victor Mature as Samson.

4.     Of Human Bondage had Oscar(s) winner Bette Davis and Leslie Howard together again.

5.     The film The Petrified Forrest (also based on a best selling novel) had the same pair as its stars.

6.     20 Mule Team had rough old Smoothie, Wallace Beery as its beloved star,

7.     Port of Seven Seas was later made into the Broadway musical,  Fanny.

8.     Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas was written for the MGM Musical, Meet Me in St. Louis (Judy sings it to Margaret O’Brien.

9.     The movie “On the Achesson, Topeka and the Santa Fe” was written for was The Harvey Girls.

10. The  romantic stars of The Clock were Judy Garland (a third time) and Robert Walker.

 

 

FF XVIII, 39

Frank’s Fax Facts And Reviews

     Volume XVIII, No. 39

     Sunday, December 16, 2012

                     I returned home earlier this afternoon, from Waynesboro, where I had been the guest of Sharon and Joe Grimley. Joe had driven here to fetch me back to their lovely (and sumptuously Christmas decorated) Saturday morning. George was transported down from Ellisville, and we all celebrated an early Noel together then and there. Dale Hudson brought my brother (they returned home, before dark) and we all had a wonderful visit together.

                     Sharon served our holiday feast, shortly after their arrival. This consisted of succulent shrimp, in sauce that made us keep coming back for more. There were thick and delicious ham slices, served with home made crescent rolls; black eyed peas; Asian Salad (sweet Ginger dressing; small wonder that I loved this particular part of the meal!) twice-baked potato casserole; cinnamon rolls and Lemon Ice Box Pie. It was a luscious, absolutely wonderful meal. The potatoes were especially noteworthy.

                     All this, and we all got presents, to boot.

                     Once again, as I allowed my eyes to take in the precision of the Christmas decorations, both on the walls and windows, as well as the large Christmas tree; I felt great admiration for our charming hostess. She is definitely a perfectionist in everything she cooks as well her artistic designs. I consider myself blessed to have been invited to this wonderful party!

                     Just as last year, I stayed with the Grimlies overnight, again in their twin guest-houses and this morning they took me to mass (after a breakfast of home-made biscuits and slices of ham), in the church that Joe’s father had built in 1957 (in Waynesboro), after which we drove to a seafood restaurant for lunch. I had fried catfish, they both had fried oysters. Then they brought me back home to Ginger, and then they had the long drive back to their home. I certainly do feel loved: they gave me lots of reasons to be glad I am still alive, and that I am blessed with such kind, generous and loving relatives!

            The church is a perfect example of understatement and charm. The gorgeous

woodwork on the interior, is a masterpiece of natural beauty: it still looks brand new,

even though it was erected in 1956!

 

Warlock

Ed Kohler went out of my life for a long part of my Mobile existence, and eventually began working under our mutual friend, Dale Hudson, at FSU’s Music Library.  Then,  taking more degrees (this time, in Library Science and computers), he had also done work making music manuscripts, as well as library work, in New York. He had a home built in Utah, and was prepared to live out his life there, in spite of the fact

 

that he loathed the Mormon Community. When his parents both became terminally ill, he came back to Pensacola, the home town that he had always loathed, and we renewed our friendship. Meanwhile, Dale and Franko moved from Tallahassee to Hattiesburg, so Ed worked out a schedule whereby he could work in monthly visits to my house and Dale and Franko’s, giving us both freely of his tonsorial talents. It was with these visits that I feel I got to know him better than I had ever done in the past.

And we all agreed: he gave us all the best haircuts we had ever gotten anywhere!

How did he do it? He was Mr. Wonderful!

(To be continued)

 

Draft Dodgers Anonymous

The day that our Basic Training program officially began, we were all thrilled beyond belief to see a fine looking Lieutenant named Martin Rellis, as our commanding officer. We really breathed a deep sigh of relief when the first thing he told us (after greeting us) was that we did not have to worry about Sgt. Moss (the horrible little gnome who had scared us almost to death with his threats of turning our backsides into something resembling a  Saltine Cracker.) This nasty little man had been retired from his position as our First Sergeant! Lt. Rellis assured us that Sgt, Moss would bother us no further. Marcus and I jabbed each other in ribs, grinning like two Cheshire cats, remembering how he had finally let us get up from our “good, comfortable Lean and Rest position” of the previous night; not to mention our resemblance to a Sody-Cracker!” We were then introduced to our Secondary Commanding Officer, Lt. Sam Patrick, by Lt. Rellis; both of these officers (we were to learn) were college graduates.

       Lt. Rellis gave us a good “Pep Talk” and asked for our cooperation. He did stress that he could be firm when he needed to be; and that there would be no insubordination allowed.

       All in all, I felt that I could not have asked for a more favorable series of circumstances!

       As time went by, Lt. Patrick seemed especially fond of me. I remember particularly after we had to walk for several miles (and Marcus and I brought up the traditional “Rear”, Lt. Patrick looked out over the company’s heads, as we were lined up back at our barracks, and called out, “Imbragulio, how you doing?” I sang out, “I’m fine, sir!” “That’s my boy!” he replied. I felt as if I would surely die I was so happy that he had not pointed out my shortcomings.

       But that was pretty much how the entire Army experience went for me. I still can scarcely believe my good fortune (except for two or three unpleasant occurrences that were quite simply, more than I could physically cope with). I not only managed to “give it my best shot”, but also had a whale of a good time doing it!

       I often thank God that He made me volunteer to go to Germany with my friend when he was given his orders for the assignment.   

 

 

2.

During our 8-week Basic Training period, I made two trips home to visit with my parents. The first time, I rode to Meridian with a fellow from our platoon at Ft. Jackson. Helen and Tom met me in Meridian and drove me to Ellisville. For the return trip, I had bought a plane ticket to Columbia, S. C. Helen and Tom were sweet enough to drive me the distance to Ellisville.  Of course my parents were thrilled to death that I had cared enough about them to travel all that distance (which seemed much shorter, thanks to blessed plane service!) Naturally, I was so happy to be back where everything was so normal and the food was that which I had grown up with. George seemed especially proud to see that I had adjusted so well to the military life. He was particularly happy when he learned of Lavon’s helping me on so many occasions’ especially the locker story.

I remember very little of either of these trips, except that the round-trip place ride put me back in S.C. a little past midnight. That was the night just before our week of Bivouac was scheduled. I will never forget walking as quietly as possible, up the stairs and then to my bunk, in silent blackness, then quickly shedding my uniform to get into bed for a few hours of sleep. It seemed as if the lights were turned on and the usual racket began immediately, causing my nerves to jangle!

       Of course I managed to wake up, take my shower and get into a fresh pair of Fatigues. Marcus was glad that I got back safe and sound, he told me. He also said he had missed me, as we walked to the mess hall for breakfast.

       Lavon and his co-worker ( Orman Sanderson, whom all of his friends called “Sandy”) kept me more or less prepared in advance as to whether or not the following day’s training was easy or difficult, and both of them had said that they enjoyed the week of sleeping in a tent more fun that a barrel of monkeys! Therefore, like a fool, I was actually looking forward to it. That is, except for the matter of the final say, which consisted of something horribly terrifying, known as the Obstacle Course! Our eyes almost popped out of our heads as we were told of crawling on the dirt, making sure your rifle did not get full of dirt, and that at the end, you were supposed to run from the trenches firing those rifles, and screaming your lungs out, at the same time!

      

 

When they finished this preview of coming nightmares, I said I hope the work friendly Sgt. could get me out of that. They both laughed, and told me that was the one thing in all of Basic Training that nobody was allowed to miss. As a matter of fact, you literally could not be said to have completed your Basic Training until you had completed the Infiltration exercise!

       But many things had happened between these two visits: For one thing, the so-called six-week Basic Program actually was a myth! I had only to watch the numbers on the flag staff each week to know that we had been lied to. Those weekly numbers (actually)  rarely changed under two weeks!

       Meanwhile, we were all trying to adjust to Fort Jackson’s awful climate. We had been told that it had the perfect weather for all of the worst places on the earth, where wars were likely to occur! And I could easily believe that.

       One week we spent learning how to use the M1 rifle. And, Brother were we evermore threatened with death if we did not take loving care of that Baby! The first day we had to march with them, mine felt as if it weighed at least a hundred pounds!

       To add insult to injury, we were made to walk from our barracks, all the way to what resembled the Sahara Desert, and felt at least three times as hot!

       Shortly, after we had arrived at our destination, we were allowed to sit and have some water to ease our pain. It was while we were “Resting” that the Cadre informed us that if we were careless enough to get blisters from the hellish heat, we would be Court Marshaled! They went on to justify this by telling is our bodies were no longer our own, but that we now belonged to Uncle Sam!

       Lynwood and I managed to get ourselves assigned to pulling down the targets (as each was fired into) on the Rifle Range. This was because Lavonne and Sandy had told us this was fun. It actually was a lot of fun, and we were having a ball! We were expected to find where on the target, the person firing the shot’s bullet had hit, then lifting a long pole with a place for the results of the shot to be exhibited. Of course, we loved it when we could put up “Maggie’s Drawers”- which red outline was almost as disgraceful as The Scarlet Letter  of Hawthorne!

       But I wasn’t laughing when he was our turn to do the shooting, and someone else kept giving me “Maggie’s Drawers”’ even though I knew I was shooting exactly as they had told us! I felt disgraced with my pitiful score after that first day!      (To be Continued)

 

 

 Movie Trivia Quiz #63

1. A Walk in the Spring Rain had which Academy Award winner as its heroine?
2. Butterflies are Free starred which romantic pair? (Goldie Hawn and Edward Albert,)
3. Samson and Delilah had Hedy Lamar and what Samson? (Mature)
4. Of Human Bondage had which Oscar(s) winner and Leslie Howard together again?
5. What other film (also based on a best seller novel) was the same pair in?
6. 20 Mule Team had what rough old Smoothie as its beloved star?
7. Port of Seven Seas was later made into what musical?
8. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas was written for what MGM Musical?
9. Now, ask yourself the question, "For what movie was 'On the Atchison, Topeka and the Santé Fe' written?"
10. Name the two romantic stars of The Clock. This refers to the WW2 love story of a couple who have only a few hours until he must leave from Grand Central Station.

 

Answers to Quiz No. 62

1. Ronald Colman was Ginger Rogers’ Lucky Partner in RKOs Lucky Partners.
2. Kay Francis was Ronald Colman’s wife in Cynara.
3. It’s a Pleasure was one of International Picture’s bigger hits before they merged with Universal. Sonja Henie was its star who also produced it.
4. Barbara Stanly said, “I love him because he don’t know how to kiss—the jerk!” about Gary Cooper in Sam Goldwyn’s Ball of Fire.
5. I think I’ll even be sad for you in heaven, Jo.” As Beth said in Little Women.

      6.David Niven was the very first James Bond (in Columbia’s Casino Royale.

        7. Edna Mae Oliver was “Aunt March” in 1930’s Little Women She was also David Copperfield’s grandmother in that film.

        8. Olivia DeHavilland was Maid Marian in Adventures of Robin Hood (Errol Flynn version?

        9. Audrey Hepburn was blind, in the thriller Home Before Dark.

        10.Dorothy MacGuire played a deaf mute in The Spiral Staircase.

 

 

FF XVIII, 38

Frank’s Fax Facts And Reviews

     Volume XVIII, No. 38

     Sunday, December 9, 2012

Important Notice

                    In an effort to communicate better with each of you, I am requesting

that you send an e-message to me, at lisztn2me@gmail.com with your name and address on it. I am doing this because my computer seems to have a mind of its own, and the only time I get ANY messages from any of you is when you press the Reply key to my requests as to whether or not you received a certain issue! I need a check to see if it will be possible to save my ancient Dell computer. I find my laptop a total failure. Thank you for your patience. FI

 

Casting a Spell

             (Or) Spelling a Caste

I was always a fairly decent student. I write that with no false pride or bragging. But my weakness, from the earliest days of my home schooling (with Mama and Helen as my teachers) was my lack of patience with spelling. I remember, especially, the difficulties I had with the word SQUIRREL. Even now, after all these decades, I checked my portable Dictionary to make sure I had not misspelled it yet again.

Spelling somehow always seemed arbitrary, inconsistent and often made “no sense”. Take the word HYGIENE for example: Even without trying to remember that stupid little reminder I never seemed to be able to quote correctly (”I before E except after C, and in words---“ -and right here, my mind always clams up on me) Even the part I finished, I am not sure is correct. And the more I look at it, and say it aloud, it seems bass-ackwards (which is a spoonerism to keep from blushing), More on spoonerisms later, I promise. Getting back to Hygiene, however: why should it not be spelled HIGIENE instead of HY? I can see utterly no reason for not spelling it that latter way. Just because the first two I’s have different sounds hardly seems reason enough to change the first I to Y. Why wouldn’t that be pronounced Why-gene?

Of course, by this time, you purists are screaming, “No wonder his poor sister flunked him in spelling!”

Actually, this is the really only logical way to spell this particular two syllable word, is “Hi, Jean.”  Of course, that does tend to change the meaning, Or does it? Couldn’t her mother (for instance) be calling to her?

Maybe Jean is being reminded that good “Hi, Jean” entails keeping the old bod good and clean,

But, and trust me here: there are easily enough hard-to-decipher words in the very complicated English language, to sink the Titanic many times over.

Just for laughs: consider: subtle, sergeant, xylophone, xenophobia

(This tedious attempt at humor was inspired by those old Pete Smith Specialties, from MGM in the 30’s and 40’s.)

 

Cat Fax

Walt Whitman wrote:

“Now I see the secret of the best persons. It is to grow in the open air

and to eat and sleep with the earth.”

From his “Song of the Open Road”

 

Warlock

When Ed was finished with his Navel career, he returned to Mobile for a visit with me. He had several things he was considering taking up, but eventually he enrolled in a local Beauty School and began training that included learning the art of cutting hair. As always, he went almost immediately to the head of his class, and was giving chic haircuts to almost everybody I knew. They would all confess to me, then, that it was the very best hair styling they had ever experienced!

Later, he took training for becoming a masseur (and became licensed in Alabama and Florida, at least). By this time, however, he drove over from Pensacola. He would put up his equipment, here in my piano studio (which included a portable massage table, his oils and lotions, and even a recording of “massage music” (you know the sort of so-called “Music” that had no real melody or rhythm, but will bore you to death if you listen too closely to it for any length of time). Several of my friends would make appointments for a massage, and we all loved them. Oh, yes! I have always loved massages; although now the only kind I still bother with is my monthly Pedicure.

(To be continued)

 

 

Draft Dodgers Anonymous

                We were giddy with excitement: we were told that if we did not have KP for the Saturday or Sunday, we were eligible for overnight passes into the city! Lynwood had the entire time planned down to the last second. He was our connection to the brass through his almost constant typing for Sgt. West (who was our company clerk). The truth of the matter was that Lynwood was a far better typist than either Sgt. West or Marcus; he sounded like a hurricane so fast was his typing!

                My magical luck again amazed me when he told me that he would see that neither he nor I would ever have to pull KP while in Basic Training, but that he would not be able to keep Marcus from having to do it. Sadly, Marcus had already had to do the vile task the previous Sunday. The results were not good. He ended up demanding to see the Chaplain, and hysterically cried that the cooks were treating him badly (“On my only day off!” he admitted saying that) and swearing that the called him all sorts of degrading names, like “Four Eyes” (He was blind as a bat without his black horn-rimmed spectacles). Lynwood had to listen to this sad tale numerous times from Marcus, and assured him that he had nothing to do with making the list each week. We both regretted it; but neither of us wanted to change the “Game Plan”.

                Meanwhile, I was making a safer place for myself by working several shifts each week, in the Quartermaster’s domain. There were still, of course, certain things that none of us could get out of (the Infiltration course that would be a grisly portion of our week-long bivouac, loomed threateningly on the horizon, although it was the penultimate torture to be endured. At this particular time, I was hard at work putting each person’s name on the chest of his fatigues. This could take (literally) as long as I wanted to drag it out. The sergeant had provided me with what looked exactly like the old printing kit Josephine had at her theater in Richton. I always printed the names of the films she showed that failed to have advertisements that she usually for from Rex Posters, in New Orleans.

                When the “Freedom Saturday” finally arrived, we had training less than half a day, and then were given the OK to clean up and take off! Lynwood and I had our own passes in our wallets, so that gave us a few extra minutes, right there!

 

Marcus, Joe, and we two grabbed the first bus downtown after we had eaten our lunch. We got off as near to the Columbia Hotel as we could, and rented a double room for one night. I remember that with the amount divided four ways, the expense really was not bad at all.

Of course, we all wanted to see a good movie and relax in air conditioned glory. I do not remember what the film was (usually, I would) but I do remember that the theater was the Palmetto (a lot of things in the Capital City bore that name) and that it was a typically gorgeous and comfortable cinema.

By the time the movie was over, we were all eager to get to the restaurant our “Tour Guide” had selected for us. I am pretty sure we all ordered the same identical dinners: Shrimp Cocktail, hamburger steaks, French fries, and beer to drink. We told the waiter that we would order dessert later.

Well, after weeks of GI meals, that Shrimp Cocktail has to have been the most exquisitely delicious thing any of us had ever put in our mouths! I just kept making moaning sounds as I swallowed each succulent mouth full, and they all found this amusing.

There was very little conversation as long as the food lasted. Once it had been devoured, the waiter came over to see if we were ready to order desserts. Lynwood and I had agreed beforehand, that we would order another shrimp cocktail, and we did! The other two wanted something sweet, which was all right with us. We got what we had been dreaming of all week long!

Nobody wanted to do anything after that meal, except to walk back to out hotel and get as much sleep as we could, between then and check out time on Sunday! We had asked that the hotel send up two cots, and now we had to figure out who was to get beds and who got stuck with the cots. Marcus and Joe both declared that they would not mind sleeping anywhere, so long as there was a roof. That made the day completely wonderful, and we went to bed and slept like four logs! (or, you might try substituting a W instead of the L).

2.   

By the time Thanksgiving was just around the corner, most of the talk among our fellow Basic buddies was about the wonderful feast we were to be served in the mess hall. Remaining stoically aloof from the “Madding Crowd” Lynwood and I refused even to think about eating there!

 

As Usual, Lynwood’s check had long before been spent. I won’t say he was extravagant, but he also had not been brought up as frugally as I had. I try to remember, each day of my life, to give thanks to God for my Daddy’s teaching me the true value of the dollar! I usually had most of the month’s paltry amount of cash (I did not smoke, for instance, so never had to buy cigarettes, as Marcus, Lynwood and most of the others in our outfit did. And they seemed to be furnishing smokes from lots of their “Buddies”. I would gladly spend a nickel for an ice cold Coca Cola, at the PX, after a torrid day of training. But the items we had to buy to SOP our lockers had drained a lot of my usual surplus. I hated to tell Lynwood that I was a little short of cash, but had enough for my meal downtown, so I suggested he call or write his parents and ask for their help. He admitted that he had lied to them by saying we both had extra duty on Thanksgiving. Yet neither of us was willing to forego our off case holiday dinner,

Finally, another sergeant from a barracks close to our own, agreed to lent Lynwood ten dollars for two weeks, But to get that money, he had to meet the fellow downtown. So bright and early the two of us rode a bus downtown, collected the ten dollars and waited for the USO to open up, so we would have someplace to rest and read magazines until lunch.

Lynwood admitted that he had lied to his parents (he was an only child) so that he would be free to spent the day with me. I was immensely touched by his friendship. Marcus had no problem whatsoever, in eating his Thanksgiving Turkey in the Mess Hall. We felt so sorry for him!

Imagine how disgusted we were, when we got back “home” late that afternoon, to be told that we had missed the best Thanksgiving dinner that most of our comrades had ever tasted! We even had Shrimp Cocktails---all you could eat---and fresh strawberries with ice cream---and corn bread dressing!”

(To be Continued)

 

(To be Continued)

 

      Movie Trivia Quiz #62

1. Ronald Colman was which dancing star’s Lucky Partner in RKOs Lucky Partners?
2. Kay Francis was whose wife in Cynara?
3. It’s a Pleasure was one of International Picture’s bigger hits before they merged with Universal. Who was its star who also produced it? Her first Hollywood musicals were Thin Ice and Second Fiddle.
4. Who said, “I love him because he doesn’t know how to kiss—the jerk!” about Gary Cooper in Sam Goldwyn’s Ball of Fire?
5. Who declared, “I think I’ll even be sad for you in heaven, Jo.”

      6.Who was the very first James Bond (in Columbia’s Casino Royale? He never got a chance to play him again.

        7. Who was Aunt March in 1930’s Little Women? She was also David Copperfield’s grandmother in that film.

        8. Who was Maid Marian in Adventures of Robin Hood (Errol Flynn version?)

        9. Who was blind, in the thriller Home Before Dark?

        10. She played a deaf mute in The Spiral Staircase.

 

    Disaster Films (Answers to #61)

1. Barbara Stanwyck was the wife of Clifton Webb in the film Titanic?

2. The secret she had kept him from learning the truth of was that he was not the father of “their” son.

3. The disaster in the film In Old Chicago was the fire that almost destroyed the city.

4.According to Rita Hayworth (in Gilda) Mrs. O’Leary’s cow caused Chicago’s accident?

5, A monstrous dust storm was the Disaster in Suez.

6.The Towering Inferno brought an Oscar to Fred Astaire, famous for dancing.

7. The Ice Storm was the name of the film, starring Sigourney Weaver and Kevin Kline,  that featured a real ice storm.

8. 2 movies that featured Cyclones. were The Wizard of Oz, and at least two different movies called Twister!

9.Green Dolphin Street, based on a best-selling novel, was set in New Zealand and was the grand daddy of Disaster films.

10.Jeannette McDonald sang opera, as San Francisco’s Earth Quaked. Faust, fittingly enough.