Frank's Shorts: February 2013

Sunday, February 24, 2013

FF XVIII, 50

Frank’s Fax Facts and Reviews

Vol. XVIII, No. 50

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Apology:

Recently I printed the statement that Spring Byington (who was Marmee in Little Women of 1938) played Aunt Bea (?) in the Andy Griffin Show all those eternities ago. Steve Bekemeyer, of Winter Haven, Fl., wrote that I had erred: I will admit, I had not seen an of those old broadcasts in eons, so I watched that evening. Surely, enough, when I took one look at Aunt Bee (?) I knew that I had indeed been wrong yet again. That person is a certain Miss Boozier, or some such French sounding name. But I am sure Mama used to watch (religiously) some similar sit-com with Spring as the adult (I dare not make any further mistakes!) But, I’m almost sure both of these actresses have gone on to glory, and I am so sorry that I inadvertently robbed the French one of her praise.

Wednesday, at my monthly Pedicure, Shae discovered that the ingrown toenail on the big toe of my left foot (apologies to Daniel Day-Lewis) had a little touch of infection. I began putting medication on it, and called to schedule a visit to Dr. Johnson’s clinic. On my Thursday visit there, I asked him to extend the medication he had me use twice a day (and it seemed to be working, when the prescription ran out, the second week and the pharmacy said there were to be no refills) So, this time, he made the prescription for a month’s supply of them. If it doesn’t do the job by then, he said I will be forced to have it surgically removed. That would obviously be very painful, so please pray with me that these pills will be all that I need. But just in case they don’t, I asked him to let me use the same podiatrist who did such a great job with the Hammertoe on my right foot. I can stand anything but pain!

CAT NAPS

“Oh, sleep! It is a gentle thing, beloved from pole to pole..”

Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Old Movie Review

Born Yesterday (1950)

I just finished watching the last 45 minutes of this masterpiece of a film, and (as always) had to weep when I considered the fact that Judy Holliday and co-star William Holden are no longer with us. How vividly I remember when the film was first released and Ms. Holliday was given fhe Best Actress Oscar for this film: I was livid! I had no idea who this upstart” was, and little interest in finding out about her. And then I saw the movie! It was one of the finest things Hollywood had produced up to that time. It was not only one of the best comedies I had ever seen, but also has a story that is a lesson in history and the democratic way of life.

Broderick Crawford is a modern day Fascist, who makes millions of dollars illegally and has senators on his pay-role, Holliday is his live-in girl friend who is brassy and “dumb” (as he considers her), so he hires William Holden to “educate her:, She falls in love with him, and absorbs his teaching like a drowning man would drink water.

The location is a Hotel in the nation’s capital, and together they visit all of the landmarks (with special attention to the Washington and Lincoln Monuments); and he also brings books to her, on all of the subjects he is teaching her. She also studies grammar and etiquette. The results are, of course, horrible for Crawford, but delightful for the young couple.

I am presuming that you all have seen this extraordinary film, but if you have not, please take my advice and watch for its next showing on Turner Classic Movies. You will thank me if you do,

The Sheepman (MGM, 1958)

I have this checked off in my Leonard Maltin’s book of reviews, which usually means that I have seen the film; but actually I have no remembrance of having viewed it before Sunday night. It is a charming “Western” with a new angle: Glenn Ford moves into town with a railroad car full of sheep, and is instantly the least popular man in the place. Everyone else is in the business of raising cattle. Shirley MacLaine is cute, as the Cow-girl who is betrothed to Leslie Nielsen (whose name I could not remember through the entire film) and I have to admit to being fascinated by the plot. You might want to give it a try, too. I always liked Ford, especially as Rita Hayworth’s love interest in two of her best “Musical” (albeit, her singing was dubbed) smash hits (Gilda, and Affair in Trinidad, notably). (***)

Draft Dodgers Anonymous

We conquer the Atlantic

I was chamfered to my new assignment, by a German who worked now for our Headquarters in Heidelberg. I was especially delighted to see that Karlsruhe was a very large and thoroughly up to date city. At the time, the Historical Division was making use of one of the town’s former Nazi headquarters for Bavaria (of which it is a part). I was met at the door by one of two warrant officers, who were both a part of our company (I never learned how a man became a warrant officer) He was an extremely pleasant black man named Mr. Mitchel. He took me into the library, where I would be working, to meet George Caravacious. George would be discharged sometime that summer. Meanwhile, he was supposed to teach me all of the things that I would be expected to do. I liked him, with reservations. After all, he was an attorney, and I could never feel really at ease around him. Of course, these feelings did not come out at our first meeting; and in all fairness to him, I must admit that he was always kind and thoughtful to me. After showing me a little of the set up of the library, he took me around to the printing office, where I was introduced to a handsome blonde named James Modespacker. I was to learn that Curvaceous was more or less the self-appointed enlisted man in charge of all of us subordinates. He was a mere corporal, while I had just made private-first-class. I was then introduced to another young corporal who was about to be sent back to the States (I cannot remember his name). I didn’t meet our Sgt., who was a sort of laughing stock (as it turned out) because he stayed at the barracks (which were within walking distance of the office building. We were about to return this handsome edifice to the Germans (and everything would be relocated at Smiley Barracks). So, we slept and ate (breakfast and suppers only) at the barracks, and usually went together for lunch to one of the fine restaurants near our workplace. In those wonderful days, we could get fabulous meals (the Germans are great cooks!) for less than a dollar (or 4 Marks): these included an entrée (I grew very fond of Weiner Schnitzel--breaded veal cutlets and “Russian Eggs” (boiled eggs, halved and “Deviled”. served over a Meat Salad). Also a fresh green salad was usually available, and we usually had the restaurant’s own beer (I soon learned that any restaurant worth its name had its very own brand of beer- dark and light!)

But until you taste an authentic German dessert, your life is not complete! They absolutely are the greatest desert-makers I have ever been fortunate enough to have access to. Cakes that melt on the tongue, glorious fillings, and (as if this was not rich enough) there was a side order of whipped cream provided!

The Historical Division had a small “cast” and I cannot remember just how many of us there were at any time. We slept 6 (or was it 8?) in the main room in Smiley Barracks (Which had magnificent buildings and statuary, making it look much less like a barracks and as beautiful as an American College Campus.) I was put in this large room along with Modispacker, Robert Bolt (I am not making this up) a black man, whose name I forget, Woody Wooster (from Texas. He told me after we had just met, that Lyndon Johnson would one day be the president of the USA—no kidding!) Dale Ford (who used to walk downtown to see movies like “The Beggar’s Opera” which we didn’t get at the Post Theater. I was surprised out of my wits, years later, when he came up just as I was buying a ticket to see a film at a theater in Ann Arbor).

There were also lots of Germans and American civilians who worked with us as the Historical Division wrote its History of World War 2. I later became very close friends with a young and fun to be with married couple named Ron and Betty Sher, newly weds. They went to a Mardi Gras carnival (which is called Faschung in German) along with three other DA Civilians, dressed as Charles Adams ghoulish characters. I have a series of pictures of the group, and it was as good as you will ever see anywhere. They were justifiably disappointed when they failed to win the cash prize. Later, when Mama, Daddy and George visited my old Army post and friends, they told me that Ron and Betty had been especially wonderful to them.

Shortly after our move for our jobs, George Curvaceous bought the first Volkswagen I had ever seen. It was so ugly that it was adorable: and this, being made for Germans, even had a vase for bouquets of fresh flowers to be placed near the windows. George said he had bought it when he learned that it would be shipped without any charge to him, all the way to West Virginia, which was his home. I began immediately, buying gifts for everyone back home and stashing them away until I sent them to Mississippi; then, using George’s Volkswagen as my argument, I began writing a series of letters to my parents, pleading with them to send me the money to buy a grand piano, promising to pay them back as soon as I started teaching. But, they simply did not have the thousand dollars it would have cost.

Sgt. Wilson was in charge of the barracks (which we shared with the MP’s at first, and later with the Signal Corps) and had a room for two. He shared this bedroom with a young blond who always reminded me of a young Mickey Rooney. He already had a job waiting for him when he got back home, with IBM (!) (remember, these were all smart men). But we did love to kid him about the Sgt.! He would often take us riding in one of the company’s Jeeps, at night, and one night we all wanted to see the movie at one of the Post Theaters. But this was playing at a theater all the way to the other side of Karlsruhe. So, Mickey (his name I do not remember now) obliged us (he had the warrant officer’s permission) by driving us to the theater. When we were ready to go back, the Jeep would not start! All five of us felt as if a boulder had fallen on our unsuspecting shoulders. There was nothing to do but call the company and throw ourselves on their mercy. As it turned out, the Jeep was in good condition, but our chauffer had forgotten to check the gas until it was too late!

As I have written, the “Campus” of Smiley Barracks was quite impressing and handsome. It surely put the American ones I had seen, to shame. There were several two and three storied buildings, a bronze statue of a discus thrower at the entrance gate (for a brief period of a week or two, we were each forced to pull guard duty, which I did not mind at all) Otherwise, we even had Putz-Frauen (cleaning women) to come in each day and make our beds and keep the floors clean. This one sweet little lady would come each morning to clean the Library, and we would talk about operas! She said the Germans as well as other countries went to Operas as we go to picture shows: They enjoy it~and they can understand every word. That started my thinking how ridiculous our own habit of making sure if a work if written in Italian, French, German, Russian or whatever, it has to be performed in the original language! The Germans are prouder of their language than we are, it would seem! The super-titles have certainly helped, but almost as soon as they became part of Mobile’s culture, I became unable to get in and out of the opera houses.

But it was strangely wonderful to see a woman with a dust cloth in her hand, buying cigarettes from me (we each got free cigarettes, which I never smoked, just as Curvaceous didn’t; so I followed his advice and sold mine to the natives, who longed for US Cigarettes, and felt we were doing them an immense favor!)

Back to our wall lockers: we each had one of these mammoth structures, where we stored all our Military as well as civilian clothes: I still had the two suits that my parents had bought for me prior to my going to Michigan State (one single and one double breasted) I had taken very good care of them, and when he saw them, one of the men in our company as

There was a huge mess hall (where we never had to do KP) with lots of cooks. For breakfast, we could order one or six eggs, cooked several different ways, and usually bacon or sausages with them. Coffee and iced tea were always provided. Lunch was usually worth eating (but not on the days when C Rations were being called names like Hash or Stew! Suppers, I seldom bothered to eat in the mess hall. I’d usually walk to the nearest Gasthause or Restaurant and for a dollar or less, get a delicious meal!

Another thing that happened shortly after our move, was one day when Sgt. Wilson was mad at us. He was rather child-like, and when he was crossed, was likely to do some ridiculous sort of punishment. This particular evening, he took our passes away from us and locked them in his wall locker, and then went to the movie himself.

I suggested that we simply play Scrabble (which we all enjoyed immensely, at the time) but the majority voted for getting our passes out of that Sgt.’s locker and back in our wallets, where they belonged.

IT did not take long, or much effort, to get the passes back, and then we all went to the theater. I don’t remember any sort of retribution, but he was like that!

(Continued next week)

Old Movie Quiz *72

1. In Lassie, Come Home, who played the young girl who was the man who bought Lassie for his own kennels?

2. Who was the boy that Lassie ran to meet each afternoon at the school house?

3. Kudos if you can name the woman who was the boy’s devoted mother.

4. What country did Lassie have to walk all the way home to get back with the boy he adored?

5. The Yearling starred which Hollywood star as the father whose son has a pet deer?

6, She played the boy’s embittered mother.

7. The teen aged boy was outstanding as the son. What was his name?

8. In RKO’s Bringing Up Baby, what was “Baby”?

9, Who was the couple who had the adventure?

10. What was the man’s special talent? (What did he do for a living?)

Answers to TRIVIA QUIZ #70

1. Anna and the King of Siam starred Irene Dunne and Rex Harrison.

2. Three Coins in the Fountain, refers to the Trevi Fountain in Rome.

3. Elizabeth Taylor is mocking Bette Davis in the opening scene of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolff.

4. This film marked the screen debut of George Segal, who was later the lead in the sit-com Just Shoot Me?

5. His wife, in the film, (Sandy Dennis) won the best supporting actress award for her work.

6. Blood and Sand had Tyrone Power as its bull fighter and Rita Hayworth was the glamorous lady who caused his downfall/

7. My Gal Sal starred Victor Mature as a song writer. What Columbia’s Rita Hayworth, again, was the love interest in the film.

8. Across the Wide Missouri was a star studded Western that starred John Hodiak, Ricordo Montalban and Clark Gable.

9. Nick and Nora’s beloved dog was named Asta-as any crossword puzzle buff knows!

10. Sorry, Wrong Number Barbara Stanwyck was frightened out of her wits!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

FF XVIII, 49

Frank’s Fax Facts and Reviews

Vol. XVIII, No. 49

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Fat Tuesday was spent at the home of Barbara and Howard Deck (appropriate name for two fine bridge players) where we had two tables of our favorite pastime, BRIDGE! But the best treat of the day was seeing our old friends, Carolyn and Marvin Carpenter, who were two of the original members of the bridge game started at Dauphin Way United Methodist Church, by Don Zimmermann, over 20 five years ago.

My heart still grieves for all of the Tornado’s damage to USM’s gorgeous campus! Especially having so recently spent that wonderful day there with my friends and fellow alumni!

Then I welcomed this beautiful winter weather!

CAT NAPS

“Take rest, a field that has rested gives a beautiful crop.”

Ovid

Old Movie Review

Little Women (1933 Version)

This was the first screen version of Louisa Mae Alcott’s most beloved story, and it still has not been equaled by any of its later versions. David O, Selznick (of Gone with the Wind fame) produced this “Other side of the Civil War film for RKO, with the same tender regard for sticking closely to the original book, and could not have picked a more nearly perfect cast than he did, way back in 1933. Katherine Hepburn was “Josephine March”, just as Vivian Leigh had been Scarlett O’Hara five years later; “Meg” was played by Frances Dee, a pretty natural blond, Joan Bennet, was “Amy” (the actress later dyed her hair black for the film Trade Winds, with Frederic March, and was so gorgeous that she never went back to being a blonde) and Jean Parker was heartbreakingly touching as “Beth”. “Marmee” (whom they called “Mummie” in this version) was played by a much younger Spring Byington than we all loved as Andy Griffith’s Aunt Bea” for years on TV. The music for this film (as well as GWTW) was written by Max Steiner (who won an Oscar for the GWTW score). There are surprising swapping of some of the melodies from Little Women that come cropping up in GWTW, and vice versa: the “Tara” theme had, apparently not been written back in 1933, but the signature theme for Little Women, is almost as poignant and beautiful as was the more dramatic and triumphant and haunting melody which will forever remind me of Vivien Leigh and her unforgettable performance.

Selznick wrote that first screenplay himself, and after GWTW, intended making it again, this time in Technicolor; with Jennifer Jones (whom he had married) as Jo, and Shirley Temple as Beth. Somehow, he never had the money to make the film, and sold the screenplay to MGM, who made it twice: never worth the effort, as far as I was concerned. Somehow, June Allyson, Janet Leigh, Elizabeth Taylor and Margaret O’Brien just were not at all convincing as the March sisters.

How vividly I remember the first time I held the book in my hands: I was just about ten years old when Anna bought the tome for me on one of her trips to Hattiesburg to get Josephine, at State Teachers’ College, and bring her home for the weekend. That book was so huge that I felt I would never be able to read the entire work. George took it away from me, opened it to page one and began reading: “Christmas will not be Christmas without presents.” And then he stopped. Never had I heard a beginning that so captured my own philosophy quite so completely! This book I had to read! And after that, I read every one of this author’s output.

I must have sat through the original film version so many times that I can almost quote it verbatim: and I never fail to weep at all of the many heart-breakingly tender and nostalgic moments. Maybe it just affects those who long for their own lost families more than anyone else. This time, I did not erase the copy I had made for the third time.

My favorite line is spoken by Beth to Jo. She says, with such sincerity and sweetness, “I think I shall be lonesome for you, dear Jo, even in heaven,” That gets to me every time!

Draft Dodgers Anonymous

We conquer the Atlantic

About the seventh day of our trip, we pulled into the port of a town in England, whose name I cannot remember. Just seeing the British countryside was thrilling to me! Sadly, only the officers were allowed to leave the ship. They were all given shore leave for that night (which was Saturday) I had glimpsed just enough of England to be determined to spend some quality time there before I died.

On Sunday, as I played a hymn for the young tenor to sing for mass. I felt that I had endured just about enough of the Navy to last me the rest of my lifetime! There had been just enough risky business to make me happy that I had spent my enlistment on solid ground, rather than the ocean. The one thing that sticks to my memory banks was the matter of the bath waters: we were warned, right from the first, that the hot water (for baths only) stayed at a scalding temperature, and some of those idiots were crazy enough to walk by and casually turn the faucet of your shower just enough to leave you marred for life. Mercifully, nobody was actually scalded on either of my ten-day cruises; but the possibility was always there! Add to that, the attitude of the priest who embarrassed me during the mass, and I think you will agree with me that life on the ocean was not exactly my bowl of cherries!

The tenth day finally sauntered in and we pulled into Bremerhaven a bunch of happy young fellows!

We were transferred directly from the ship to a railroad train that was sitting there, just waiting to move us from the northern tip of Germany to the southernmost town of Zweibruchen (Two Bridges). The trip took just over one full day. This entailed spending yet another miserable night without much sleep or rest. The trains in all of Europe are quite different from those in the USA: instead of row after row of seats, they are divided into compartments, with room for eight people per unit. Four of them sit together, facing four others on the opposite side of the coach. I found myself with a mixture of officers and enlisted men, and it was all fairly affable and pleasant enough. I’m sure we were fed (that’s one thing we never had to worry about) but my brain is totally devoid of all memory of food on any of the trains on which I traveled in Deutschland.

I had wondered, vaguely, about sleeping arrangements that night. We were told that we would pull into Zweibruchen early the next morning. Our compartments had three officers and five enlisted men, so it was announced than the officers would sleep on the coach’s two seats (which must have been quite nice when compared with our pallets on the floor)

At the time, I had completely lost track of Dale Hudson (who has verified the fact that he was on that same train with Lynwood and me, all the way to Zweibruchen) and somehow have no memory of Lynwood’s having been in that “Microscopic” Sleeping Compartment until the next morning,

We got off the train and found Zweibruchen quite nice! Just outside the Kassern where we would be assigned to our new “Careers”, we saw our very first Erfrishunging Stand (probably wrongly spelled- but it means Refreshments) and it had, besides Coca Colas and other American soft drinks, the biggest and most beautiful lemons I had ever seen! I immediately thought of what Daddy had always told us about Italian fruits: lemons, like oranges and other fruits with peelings, were bigger and sweeter than anywhere else in the world. I was telling Lynwood this as I took out some money to buy a lemon. The clerk took my USA dollar bill, and gave me my change in the first German money I had ever seen: three shiny coins about the size of a quarter, and with the words for one German mark (at this time the mark was worth roughly twenty-five cents. The man spoke rather good English and said he had overheard my telling my friend about the lemons. “We do get them from Italy!” He said. I thanked him for that,

I jabbed my finger through the peeling, and stuck the fruit to my mouth. It was delicious!

We were being led into the enclosed area of the Kassern (those left over remnants from the Nazi Army that were much more modern and permanent looking than we were used to seeing in the States).

We were shown where to go to get assigned to a post somewhere in Germany, and all of a sudden, I was seized with panic: My number (I forget what this was called) as a Chaplain’s Assistant was identical with “Clerk Typist”! The first position that was mentioned to my group was for someone like Lynwood or Marcus: you not only had to know how to type, but you were expected to be a whiz at it! I had never taken the time to learn how to type correctly, even though I had become rather adept at typing term papers and the likes. Anyway I spelled it, it always came out HUNT AND PECK.

“I’m s Chaplain’s assistant,” I said hopefully. Then I sat and waited as they called time after time, “Clerk Typist”. Finally, just before noon, the fellow came over to me and said they finally had a request for my specialty: the only trouble was that the chaplain was a Baptist. I had to explain that I was not willing to take a job as any chaplain’s assistant who was not a Roman Catholic priest. I cited as my reason for this, the fact that the same identical thing had happened to my brother, George, during WW2. He never wanted to come back to the Catholic Church after that!

So, I had to take my seat again. We had eaten breakfast before going into the building we were now in, and had gone to the mess hall again for lunch, Lynwood had come over to tell me that he was gobbled up almost as soon as the fun had begun (just as I had felt he would be) and when he told me he was going to be stationed in Heidelberg, at the Headquarters for the US Army in Germany, I prayed with all my might that I, too, might be going to this beautiful place.

The shadows were growing bigger and more life threatening as the day wore on. The room full of enlisted men had dwindled down to five or six of us misfits (and I was seriously giving thought to becoming a protestant) when the man who had been so sincere in trying to find something that I would qualify for, came into the room again.

“Has anyone here ever worked in a library?”

My heart almost leapt out of my throat! This was perfect! I had always adored books- and I had made A’s when I had to take a one-quarter course in Library Science. I was praying now: “Lord, please let me get this job! Please! Puy-leeze!!!!”

I looked all around the room to see if anyone else were raising his hand. There was no competition, apparently. I am, basically, a person who is very unsure of himself. And I never felt less secure as I said, very meekly, “I had a course in Library Science as an undergraduate-“

He looked at me, and asked for my name. I told him. He looked at my papers and said, “You’ll do.”

“Thank you, Lord!” my soul shouted.

“You will be going to Karlsruhe as a member of the Historical Division of the US Army in Germany.”

And thus began the most wonderful eighteen months of my life!

Old Movie Quiz *71

1. Anna and the King of Siam starred Irene Dunne and what leading man?

2. Three Coins in the Fountain, refers to which famous Roman fountain?

3. What Hollywood favorite is Elizabeth Taylor mocking in the opening scene of Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolff?

4. This film marked the screen debut of what handsome leading man who was later the lead in the sit-com Just Shoot Me?

5. His wife, in the film, won the best supporting actress award for her work. Who else got a statuette for this film?

6. Blood and Sand had which Fox star as its bull fighter? Who was the glamorous lady who caused his downfall?

7. My Gal Sal starred Victor Mature as a song writer. What Columbia red head was the love interest in the film?

8. Across the Wide Missouri was a star studded Western that starred John Hodiak, Ricordo Montalban and who else from MGM’s larder of Stars?

9. What was Nick and Nora’s beloved dog named? His name appears often in crossword puzzles. This, of course refers to the Thin Man Series at MGM in the 30’s and 40’s.

10. Sorry, Wrong Number had what star frightened out of her wits?

Answers to TRIVIA QUIZ #70

1. In 1938, Walt Disney released Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Collodi’s Pinocchio was his second literary classic to be immortalized.

2. Between these two ground-breaking masterpieces, Paramount’s cartoonist created yet another great literary classic Gulliver’s Travels, though it used only parts of the original novel.

3. Disney had a huge success with the charming romance between two puppies. The Lady and the Tramp.

4. Early in his classical cartoons, Walt had Leopold Stowkowsky record the music for several famous masterpieces of music. Fantasia was the title of this “High Brow” film?

5. Mr. Stowkowski, himself conducted the score.

6. The Reluctant Dragon was the first film that combined live action with cartoon characters? It had Robert Benchley, supposedly being shown around Disney’s studios.

7. The Three Caballeros, which starred Donald Duck and Jo Carioca) plus Carmen Miranda’s sister (live) and a lot of others in a good natured fun-movie:

8. I began to find fault with Disney’s films (long after his death) when the company began creating cartoons out of such serious stories as this famous Victor Hugo classic. Name it.

9. What was the name of Walt Disney’s first Mickey Mouse cartoon? Extra credit if you know whose voice was used: and remember how squeaky high it always was!

10. Judy Garland (whose talents seem to have been as varied as they were magnificent) did a voice-over as the lead in a story about a French cat. Name it, please.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

FF XVIII, 47

Frank’s Fax Facts and Reviews

Vol. XVIII, No. 48

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Wednesday I had an appointment with Dr. Colman (who performed two prostate surgeries on me about ten years ago.) I had been concerned because there had been blood in my urine several times lately, but he said it was nothing dangerous. My specimen that day was letter perfect. This morning, after four bloodless days, there was the same dark color to make me nervous again. Do I worry too much?

Other than that, my exercise (which I managed to do four times last were), seems to be making my walking an itsy-bitsy bit better. Still not good, but better.

CAT NAPS

“Who among us has not envied a cat’s ability to ignore the cares of daily life and to relax completely?” Karen Brademeyer

Old Movie Review

Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolfe? (1966)

Elizabeth Taylor and Sandy Dennis won Oscars, and poor Richard Burton and George Segal had none! The film introduced these new brilliant stars (Sandy Dennis and George Segal), and the four of them, that constituted the entire cast of the deeply disturbing film. While I did get more than a little weary of hearing all that chattering, it would be cruel to say the whole thing might have been called (by Edward Albee) Two couples should talk a lot less than these do, about nothing whatsoever!

But I will say (grudgingly) that my favorite scene is the very first words spoken by Taylor (who, mercifully for this super serious drama) shed her “Little Girl Voice” and rasped with the best of them “What a dump!” I had to laugh out loud, as she said it because I recognized instantly that Bette Davis had said the same venomous words with even more poison than Liz did. It was in a movie-travesty called Beyond the Forest. Bette’s character in this was “Rosa Moline.” Davis begged Jack Warner not to make her play the wife of Joseph Cotton (at the age of 40) who is a twelve o’clock girl in a nine o’clock town (in Illinois).

Draft Dodgers Anonymous

We conquer the Atlantic

We held onto those little paper sacks for dear life! They contained the “Lunch” Camp Kilmer contributed as our Going Away gift. We had heard so many different people say that to keep from getting sea-sick, you had to eat anything you could get, any time you could get it. Since that was my usual mantra, it was pretty easy to resolve to comply. We had both torn into the sacks to find a very plain ham sandwich, with what appeared to be mayonnaise lightly smeared on the bread; there were also two chocolate chip (I hoped) cookies, and about four or five Hershey’s “Silver Bells”. I wondered what we were supposed to wash all of this dry matter down with. Oh, well, we could manage to find something to drink.

“Now. Don’t forget, try to get something sour or really salty to snack on every chance you get.”

“And just where do you think we will find that?” I asked, laughing.

“Why. I hope they have some place on deck where we can buy things. You know—like drinks: Cokes or Root Beer. And you know they’ll have to sell these fellows their cigarettes!” He shuddered. That was one of the things I most respected him for: unlike Marcus, he despised cigarettes almost as rabidly as I always have.

We had boarded the ship a short distance from the camp. It was on a river that led straight into the Atlantic Ocean; and now, we felt the boat beginning to move slowly away from the shore and head to the high seas. Almost every one of the young boys from Camp Kilmer crowded around the ship’s sides, trying to remember what everything had looked like.

I took out my dry-as-dust ham sandwich and took a bite out of it. It wasn’t too bad. But it surely needed more mayonnaise—or something. As usual, I was hungry as a goat! Lynwood saw that I was eating and he took his sandwich and followed suit.

“Save some room for those cookies and silver bells!” I laughed.

We chose our bunks (he insisted that I have the lower berth, while he had to climb into the upper.) It was still a long time until lights out, and one of the younger men I remembered seeing at the camp, was already in bed. He was really a pathetic mess! He spent the entire ten days, in that bunk, being as sick as a dog. He muttered the same phrase, over and over, with maddening persistence: “Aw” followed by the F word! After a day or two, I could cheerfully have murdered him!

That stupid creature did not take a single meal with us.

After we got our duffle bags into the lockers, which were provided for them, we walked back topside. We sat down on the cold deck, with our backs leaning against the wall, and about this time, we saw a familiar face walking towards us. I said in an aside to Lynwood, “Well, would you look at what the cats dragged up!”

Lynwood glanced at the fellow who was walking straight towards us.

He stopped and smiled broadly, as he told us how glad he was to see us! Of course I recognized him as the corporal who had directed our Talent Show at Fort Jackson. “I won’t ask you what you are doin’ here, because it would be too obvious.”

We both told him how good it was for us to see his happy face. Then he made our trip a “Pleasure Cruise” by telling us he had persuaded the person in charge of Morale, or some such nonsense, to make him a party of One to try to find anyone among all of the soldiers on the ship, to give a performance of some kind or another.

“Will we be free to have rehearsals, like we did last summer?” Lynwood asked.

“How else?” he laughed. That’s the whole point. We do this and get excused from all other duty! For the entire trip!”

It sounded too good to be true. And I decided to give this bigger audience the “Ocean Waves” Etude, of Chopin. It was easier to play than the
“Revolutionary Etude”, which I had not touched since performing it in the contest.

He then told us that the ship was fairly bursting with talent: there were several young men on board, who had been students of a California Music School, and they all sang; but not one of them played an instrument.

Lyn and I determined to meet them as soon as possible.

They were a delightful bunch of people; and they had their own little chorus. They always sang the same tune (alas!) and it was cute as a bug! Something about, “The Pope- he was a jolly man” that had limitless choruses. they had worked out themselves. “He drank a jug of Rhein-ish wine---la la--------I feign would change his life for mine!” That was the jubilant ending!

There was one tenor in the group, who asked me if I would accompany him on the organ the next Sunday, as he had been asked by the Catholic priest to sing for mass. He had a magnificent voice, and we rehearsed that hymn many times. Sadly, I was criticized again, when I decided to play a sort of Coda to the hymn. “Please do not play that while I am praying!” I was reprimanded right there before everybody of the Catholic persuasion on the lousy boat! I know I turned three shades of red, at least. He made Father Mack look like the soul of tolerance and good taste in comparison! Fortunately, I did not have to put up with him ever again.

After my first night of sleeping on the ship, we went to breakfast and Lynwood grew more and more excited. “What are you up to?” I asked.

“Look! I think they’re cooking grits for us!”

I looked in the direction he to which he was pointing, and me heart really did miss a beat or two! That certainly did look just like Hominy Grits! But it seemed strange that as after four years spent in Michigan, I had never seen a singly box of grits!

It did not take long for the two fellows from Dixie to realize that what they were being served was not grits, but Cream if wheat! But we managed to choke it down. I always wonder at the differences in food from one place to another can make! Everyone I knew in the state of Michigan, loved Cream of Wheat, pie, and cake doughnuts!

After the disappointment of the cereal, we walked lugubriously onto the deck. I was suddenly shocked out of my wits to see Dale Hudson, sitting on the deck, with his back against the outer wall of the ship. I had never seen him looking anything but wonderful! He was always immaculately dressed, and I was just not ready to see him looking like a tramp on a tramp schooner! My heart went out to him, even before I heard his story.

“What happened to you?” Lynwood asked.

“I’m sick,” was all he said.

I had thought, because he was not in the same group as Lynwood and I that he had been sent to some other location the day before. I said as much to him, and he replied, “They had all of us get on the boat yesterday, but they did not tell us where we would be going. They did let us know that we would have to pull KP every day on the boat!”

“And they won’t let you get treatment for your stomach?”

“No!”

I felt suddenly very angry. I walked on deck until I saw an officer. I went to him and asked why my friend could not get off KP to see a doctor. He looked at me as if I were mad, and said, “You wanna do the work for him?”

I shook my head vigorously, “No!”

“Well, that’s the only way he’s gonna get out of this detail!”

I thought a long time before coming to the conclusion that I could do nothing to help my buddy. And after all he had done for me!

Just the fact that he had single handedly gotten my lockers Standard Operation. Procedure’d was enough to make me ever grateful!

But there was nothing within reason that I could do to help him now!

(To be continued)